Funny Text Messages

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...searching...searching...still searching... ...sorry NO BRAIN found How a man impresses a woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How a woman impresses a man: Show up naked with beer. I'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby. Now that you're a grownup, I have one question..... What happened? If asked to choose between two evils: "money" and "women" choose the lesser evil "money" even though it will attract the greater evil Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole! At this moment 3.7 million are sleeping, 2.3 million are falling in love, 4.1 million are eating and only 1 fool in the whole world is reading this text. Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.' My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading. Always Remember Money isn't everything! But make sure you have made enough of it before talking such nonsense -Bill Gates- Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect who's smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the list of suspects. Where do you think I should hide?