How Hot Is It? - 10 Funny Ways to Tell How Hot it Really Is

Well, the dog days of summer are here, but even some dogs don't believe it. I've had several of them come up to me and say, "Hey, what's up with the heat?" I don't know. I don't usually talk about the weather, unless there's nothing else to talk about.

Have you ever been on the phone with someone for a while and all of a sudden they start talking about the weather? That's a sure sign that your conversation is coming to an end. Sometimes it's a blessing, because you really have had enough of hearing about this person's gall bladder operation. So, hearing about how the tornado ripped off their roof, is almost refreshing. But, it is hot out there and this brought to mind a classic bit of comedy that Johnny Carson, of The Tonight Show fame, used to do. In his opening monologue, he would say something like, "Boy, was it cold today." And the audience would yell out, almost in unison, "How cold was it?" And Johnny would smile, because he knew he got the audience to help him set up his joke. Then he would come up with something like, "It was so cold out, I leaned against my car and broke my pants." Laughter ensued. So, with that in mind, and in honor of a comedy legend, here are ten responses Johnny might have answered to the audience if he had said, "Boy, is it hot out there." And the audience would respond with, "How hot is it?" Johnny would then say, "Why, it's so hot... 1. Not only can you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can toast the English muffin, too. 2. Your Odor Eaters have sent up a white flag. 3. Amy Winehouse was seen drinking antifreeze. 4. The greyhound, on the side of the bus, is carrying a bottle of Gatorade. 5. At the beach, you can get sunburned underwater. 6. The onion rings you have under your arm aren't from Burger King. 7. Fire ants are carrying personal fans. 8. Your GPS keeps directing you to drive to Canada. 9. A-Rod has dropped his crush on Madonna and started dating the Good Humor man. 10. The hardware store is selling thermometers with readings of Fahrenheit, Celsius and Holy Crap!" No matter how you spell it, the heat is on (Glen Frey 1985). So, thank you, Johnny, for all the laughs. You are dearly missed.